absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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