cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
