I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Less talking, more tequila
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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