last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize