I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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