Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
