you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she peed on how many people?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
