I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
