"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
