Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need moral support for this bender
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm always down for nudity.
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