god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?