evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.