remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?