Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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