Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
