bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.