i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.