I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize