I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
