Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
