Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
