I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this is an emotional support booty call
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
