11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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