I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
