why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
