you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
