Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
