You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want to make out with him forever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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