She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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