We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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