Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
