Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
