your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
