i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
