I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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