Your dad touched me again.
no, he came in my armpit
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
