i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.