The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
