I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking