You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.