He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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