As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
