i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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