I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
