Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
