Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
