Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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