Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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