Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
