i need an iv and a liver transplant
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
