i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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