He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
