There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
