The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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