So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
