can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
