I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
