she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
do herpes really smell.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
