ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
