so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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