he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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