omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
