We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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