i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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