Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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