Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
