I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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