the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize