I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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