I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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