every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
