I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
