Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
In America we eat man semen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
