Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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