I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
