addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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