My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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