Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
