I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
