tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
