im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
