My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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