My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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