Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
