She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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