She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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