im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
