You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
