then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
