Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
