some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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