new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
