Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
